tonight was The night

i finally had The Talk with my husband...it's been nearly 4 1/2 years that I've lived in limbo, married but not really, alone but not free. I've made efforts at this discussion before and while he admitted yes, we probably should just do it, no effort was made, no real closure achieved.

But tonight, after dealing again with the income taxes, married--but filing separately and married--but not living together, married--but... it's time. I'm tired of being married--but. I'm emotionally drained.

I wish him the best. I wish for him to find happiness. He's a good man but it hurts too much to linger, and he just wants to be alone. And me? Even though it's been over 4 years, I haven't been able to begin the healing process...that can only start once it's really Over.

So I have dared to think ahead, to dream a little. There are so many things I want to do with my life...places to go, people to meet, experiences to share, things to make. My future is somewhere out there now, and I want to be able to move forward and set goals and follow my path and see where life will take me. My cup has always been half full...now I want it to spill over.

I want to live for myself and not someone else now.

I want to live.