alright, i give

this really isnt a post about new years resolutions. really.
but i spent a good part of my day today searching online, nothing really, just wandering, exploring whatever took my fancy.

i posted things here and there on my facebook page but it wasn't any one thing i saw that hit me. rather, it was just the tiniest of reactions i had to such a diverse range of styles and ideals. tiny meaning as if it were timidly trying to poke its head out of the dirt and into my conciousness. tiny like a pale fragile seedling just breaking through the seed pod and looking up to start its journey toward the light. yeah, like that.

i felt a sudden longing to be 17 again and full of wonder and facing the world unencumbered...but luckily that didnt last. i remember everything that came after being 17 and decided no, i would prefer to be over 50 and full of wonder and facing the world unencumbered...and i realized maybe i can do that!

my life has always been a bit stalemated because i could never settle on one thing long enough to make any progress...i love everything. but i think i would like to try to focus more on what it is i like rather than worrying about everyone else--just for a while.

maybe it's just taking care of my parents this past year has been wearing and weary-ing so maybe that's why the thought of picking up and moving to paris for a year just because holds so much appeal...or to the caribbean-that would be more like it. to leave this world behind-just for a while. i would come back and visit, i promise.