beginnings / Monday, April 2, 2007

One year, three months and nineteen days ago, my world as I knew it came to a screeching halt. My husband of nearly fourteen years, out of the blue said he wanted a divorce. He had many reasons, yet no reason. This man--this man that I had devoted my life to--decided my all wasn't good enough and our marriage not worthy of the effort to work on it. I just didn't make him happy. So. Here I am, one year, three months and nineteen days later, bruised, battered, alone (but still married!) and STILL STANDING.....I have reached that mystical 'SECOND HALF' of my life. We all get here, sooner or later; some alone, some not. I just never thought it would come this way.Valentine's day, i took the plunge and quit my job. What had I to lose? My children are all grown and doing very well. My husband is on his own journey. Its just me. Should I keep at a job that was steady and secure, but draining me emotionally, just to pay the bills? A life that was more a life sentence, and that kept me wondering, is this all there is? But, I'm not ready to give up! I haven't even started!!!
This is where I stand now. I'm no longer just someone's mother, or someone's wife. Who, or what, am I??? What were all those dreams I left along the way, like so much debris? This is my journey, my search for balance and reality; my search for my Life. I have no time for husband bashing or a lot of introspection; this is to be a positive time of learning, trying new things, and DOING.